I keep thinking that I hope I made the right decision. There's part of me that worries that somehow this is a mistake. However, then I am reminded of Romans 10 and a promise I made in 2007 while in Costa Rica. I promised God I would go to the mission field when He called me to go, and here we are. Not to go would be in direct disobedience to what I promised to God. The Christian life is a life that has to be lived in obedience to God. Not to go, in my mind is a sin and a step back in my walk with Christ. And all of this is not to leave someone thinking that I don't want to go, by all means no! I love missions, I love working in ministry, and I love the thought of a spanish mission field. But I know that desire/want does not equal out to fulfillment without action.
I guess the hardest part of all this is that I never wanted to go alone. Never. I always imagined myself going to the mission field with my husband. It would be our dream and our calling together. Now I find myself quite the unclaimed blessing leaving everything to pursue God. But isn't that what God has been teaching me for so long? How can I expect myself to chase God if I won't do it alone? God wants a relationship with me, not me and Mr. me. For me, it's scarier to go alone, but it's also more adventurous. And isn't that what I've been craving for months?
I just pray that I don't disappoint God. And I pray that I will learn to be content by His Presence alone. I also pray that Mr. me will be revealed soon, and that I would be the woman that was worth waiting to find.