Monday, August 15, 2011

Two Days To San Pedro

I leave to move to the Dominican Republic in less than two days. The one word I can think of to describe what I'm feeling right now is surreal. I am so excited to be on my own and work at Las Palmas doing what God has called me to do, but at the same time I am terrified to be on my own and work at Las Palmas doing what God has called me to do. It's a strange place to be, and it's even stranger sitting here on my couch watching King of the Hill while waiting for my laundry to finish knowing that in two days I'll be sitting in San Pedro listening to motoconchos whizzing past my windows.

I keep thinking that I hope I made the right decision. There's part of me that worries that somehow this is a mistake. However, then I am reminded of Romans 10 and a promise I made in 2007 while in Costa Rica. I promised God I would go to the mission field when He called me to go, and here we are. Not to go would be in direct disobedience to what I promised to God. The Christian life is a life that has to be lived in obedience to God. Not to go, in my mind is a sin and a step back in my walk with Christ. And all of this is not to leave someone thinking that I don't want to go, by all means no! I love missions, I love working in ministry, and I love the thought of a spanish mission field. But I know that desire/want does not equal out to fulfillment without action.

I guess the hardest part of all this is that I never wanted to go alone. Never. I always imagined myself going to the mission field with my husband. It would be our dream and our calling together. Now I find myself quite the unclaimed blessing leaving everything to pursue God. But isn't that what God has been teaching me for so long? How can I expect myself to chase God if I won't do it alone? God wants a relationship with me, not me and Mr. me. For me, it's scarier to go alone, but it's also more adventurous. And isn't that what I've been craving for months?

I just pray that I don't disappoint God. And I pray that I will learn to be content by His Presence alone. I also pray that Mr. me will be revealed soon, and that I would be the woman that was worth waiting to find.

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