Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Last night as I was praying myself to sleep, God whispered to me that I hadn't written Him any poems lately. And He was right. And as I laid in my bed with the noise of the street below me, He became my muse and inspired me on the topic to write about Him. But as I sit here and type, I cannot remember what that inspiration was. It makes me sad. I feel like I now owe Him two poems. And as soon as I can remember, I shall sit down and work on both of them with an overflowing heart.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
So I have arrived to San Pedro. It was a long day getting here. It was a long time getting to this point in the total spectrum, but that's another blog. In fact, that's already been blogged. However, the day I left West Virginia to get to where I am at now was just as long. I thought I was ready, I was packed, I had prayed this up, I had an apartment waiting for me in the Dominican, and yet, things weren't as easy as I imagined.
I cried. I cried almost the whole way from Charleston to New York. The only reason I stopped cry was because I fell asleep on the plane. I woke up just in time to see the statue of Liberty and the New York skyline lit up against the morning sun. It was beautiful, but I was sad. And I was terrified. I kept thinking that I had made the wrong decision, that my Grandmother had been right and I wasn't as grown up as I thought. I prayed and prayed asking God to let me know that this was were I was suppose to be going. In my heart, God kept repeating, "you promised". That simple little phrase over and over. "You promised" Was that all the bread I would be given that day? Apparently yes as every time I teared up, all I would think was, "you promised". Most of the day passed in this way, I would cry, God would remind me, I would take a deep breath and be still till I cried again. All in all, it I was glad that I had decided to wear a scarf that day since it became my tissue.
In this state I arrived in Santo Domingo. As we sat on the runway making our way to the terminal, I bowed my head and told God that this was it. I was here, and it was time to toughen up and trust in Him. I had made a promise after all. And God doesn't make or take promises lightly. Ask Jesus, God follows through on what He says, and as His children, we need to understand and follow His example. And those were my last tears.
As I worked my way through customs and the baggage claim area I felt happier and stronger with each step. As I met Wendy and we got in our van to take the hour ride to San Pedro, I felt even better. Once we crossed the bridge into the city, I asked myself how could I possibly been so foolish to think that this wasn't where I was suppose to be? I love this city. I love living and being here. I love the people, I love the culture.
I know now that I made the right decision. I'm just a little hard headed and stubborn when it comes down to the grit of it.
Yesterday, I stood on my balcony and watched the traffic and people below. It was strange to think that a decision and commitment that I made in 2007 in a little room in Costa Rica would finally come full circle. I promised God I would be a missionary. I promised Him I would go where He wanted to send me. I promised Him my service. And here I am today. I am a missionary to the Dominican Republic in San Pedro. And while I'm scared, I'm willing. This morning in church, Pastor Gary spoke about putting your faith and trust in God in whatever situation you find yourself in. I'm putting a lot of faith and trust in God. Every day it's an adventure of what God will bring. He's my financial support, He's stands at the bottom of the steps to my apartment and makes sure that no one who has no business on my steps stays off of them, He's riding beside me on motoconchos, He's my tongue and my ears. He's my everything because I can do nothing without Him. And I don't even want to try. Which is a good thing for me to do. As Pastor Lemming quoted one day from Charles Stanely, "obey God and leave the consequences to Him". And right now, that's my plan.
Monday, August 15, 2011
I leave to move to the Dominican Republic in less than two days. The one word I can think of to describe what I'm feeling right now is surreal. I am so excited to be on my own and work at Las Palmas doing what God has called me to do, but at the same time I am terrified to be on my own and work at Las Palmas doing what God has called me to do. It's a strange place to be, and it's even stranger sitting here on my couch watching King of the Hill while waiting for my laundry to finish knowing that in two days I'll be sitting in San Pedro listening to motoconchos whizzing past my windows.
I keep thinking that I hope I made the right decision. There's part of me that worries that somehow this is a mistake. However, then I am reminded of Romans 10 and a promise I made in 2007 while in Costa Rica. I promised God I would go to the mission field when He called me to go, and here we are. Not to go would be in direct disobedience to what I promised to God. The Christian life is a life that has to be lived in obedience to God. Not to go, in my mind is a sin and a step back in my walk with Christ. And all of this is not to leave someone thinking that I don't want to go, by all means no! I love missions, I love working in ministry, and I love the thought of a spanish mission field. But I know that desire/want does not equal out to fulfillment without action.
I guess the hardest part of all this is that I never wanted to go alone. Never. I always imagined myself going to the mission field with my husband. It would be our dream and our calling together. Now I find myself quite the unclaimed blessing leaving everything to pursue God. But isn't that what God has been teaching me for so long? How can I expect myself to chase God if I won't do it alone? God wants a relationship with me, not me and Mr. me. For me, it's scarier to go alone, but it's also more adventurous. And isn't that what I've been craving for months?
I just pray that I don't disappoint God. And I pray that I will learn to be content by His Presence alone. I also pray that Mr. me will be revealed soon, and that I would be the woman that was worth waiting to find.