Fill Me Up God

For some reason my life seems to be revolving around the book of Ruth. I came back from the Dominican with the idea that now I am a college graduate, I would start to grow up a little. I also decided that it was time to stop looking for someone to feel the empty void within me. I figured that a good first step to growing up would be to join a new adult class on Wednesday nights at church. At first, I thought of asking one of the other girls to go with me, after all, who wants to grow up alone? However, I decided against that. I'm a big girl. I can talk to people; I'm fairly outgrowing. A new class would be for me and me alone. So I joined a class about studying the Bible (since I also struggle with reading my Bible). We would be spending the next couple of months learning different ways to study the Bible using the book of Ruth. First of all, I'm not a huge fan of the book of Ruth. Yes, I can hear the gasps from all WOW members across the internet even as I type, but the fact remains is that Ruth is not a woman that I find myself relating too. But nonetheless, here I am in a class that focuses on Ruth, a small four chapter book, for about 16 weeks. Enough time to read each chapter 4 times. And so far, it has been interesting. I've thought about the book in different terms already, one being the distance between Bethlehem and Moab. Why would Naomi and her family travel 90 or so miles to a country that has historically been enemies of her people? Questions like these were changing the way that I had always looked at the book of Ruth. However, my classmates were not seeing or relating to things the way I was. The difference? I am the only one in class without husband or children. As each woman relates both Ruth and Naomi to their own families, I am left sitting wondering what I can contribute for this (excepting that "future" advice I should be storing). It can make for a sad evening.

However, while at Liberty last weekend, I was taken to one of my favorite places to be: a bookstore. And since I'm at Liberty, I can expect a lot of books on theology and "stuff Christians like". My goal was to find a new devotion book. I wanted to have something definite to help me with my Bible reading and keep me from falling off the wagon. While in the women's section (really, where else would I be?) I found a book called "Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right". Hadn't I just spend a quarter of my quiet time that morning at the LU Monogram praying that God would bring me Mr. Right? Hadn't I just been imagining browsing through that bookstore with the man of my dreams? Of course I had. It was a daily thing for me to do. Needless to say, the book intrigued me. Scanning the back of the book, it didn't look any different from any other book that promised to teach me to live above my longing for my earthly Prince. I flipped open the cover to the introduction and skimmed it. About two-thirds down the page my eyes took in the information that made me look towards the ceiling and give God a little "are-you-kidding-me" look. This book was using the book of Ruth to help me realize the fundamental truth that God has been screaming at me for months: He is all I need. But here was what I am studying at church to prove that I can be a grown up coupled with something that weighs down my very soul. Its a God thing. So I purchased the book.

All this back story is leading to a conclusion, I promise. And here it is. I am committing myself to really discover and be a Lady in Waiting for God. This will be my personal journey with a love relationship with Christ. It's time that I told God that He's enough and actually live knowing that He is. I don't know why I'm nervous. The worst that could happen is that if I really dive into this, God will fill me. What's so bad about that? Because right now I worry that means that I won't get my Prince Charming, my Mr. Right. However, that's just defeating myself before I begin. God will fill me. I just have to surrender that vessel before Him. Okay loneliness, you're about to hit the road, so if you have a final tear to shed, I suggest you cry it now.

God, fill me up